I don’t write as much as I used to. When I started my blog over a year ago, I was writing weekly, and loved consistently posting. Since dad’s passing, it’s been different. I have more brain fog, and for some reason when something crosses my mind that I think I may want to share, I somehow convince myself in the grand scheme of things, it’s not important enough. I have had many encourage me to journal since dad’s passing to assist with the grief, but because writing was something so critical and meaningful to me before, it somehow felt like I couldn’t go back, the barrier was too large.
However, it is therapeutic for me, so when I have an epiphany or an experience I want to share, I am trying to encourage myself to capitalize on it, because if it helps me to talk about it, maybe it helps someone who reads it too.
I wanted to comment on social media. This won’t be something you haven’t read before, it is not a unique opinion, and you’ve likely seen several blog posts on it already. But I think being vulnerable helps others relate and look at their lives, and feel a little more understood.
Social media is a trap. We see smiling faces, best angles of people, bragging words about loved ones and friends, an unfortunately, lots of fabrication. It is easy to scroll through and let your mind wander to wishing you had what someone else possessed, or envying the perfect marriage, or wondering how those moms had such a good time with their kids at a water park….BY THEMSELVES.
I’ll be honest, we have enjoyed the past few months of taking possession of and renovating our new home, but it has also come with PLENTY of tension. It caused a significant amount of stress (everyone is saying duhhh here), made us question whether we were making the right financial decision, and took a lot of energy and time that we thought we had…until we got into it. The payoff is so amazingly worth it, but it took quite a bit of tears to get there.
Marriage wise, our 5 year anniversary was June 9th, and the reason you didn’t see us post is because we woke up and argued that morning, which led into an all day ordeal, and then that night we didn’t speak much. Sound familiar? I joked with family saying #thisisyearfive. It is strange, and embarrassing to post that on facebook, why? Because don’t we all know people who do that, and we see it as a pity party, and unfollow them? We only want to see the fluffy things. And we don’t get to shower and get dressed up that often, so of COURSE I am going to post those moments. But that day, I had zero desire to brag on my husband and our marriage dab smack in the middle of a pointless controversy (can’t even remember what it was over, that’s how important it was)! Most of the time, you are seeing the best pieces of our lives. But there is plenty, plenty, plenty of messy. To be open with you, Damon and I love each other very much, but we have fought tooth and nail from the first day we met. We both have determined, passionate, hard – headed, forward personalities. I tell him all the time our marriage takes 10x more work than I feel like it should, why did no one warn us how hard it is? So our 5th anniversary was a flop, but who cares? We love each other, we work hard to keep bonded, and as ugly as the ugly times get, we are still partners. But don’t envy others on social media. We never know the other side. We have no idea what their biggest struggles are, their weaknesses as a couple, their hardships. Sometimes the ones putting out the most “love” on facebook… are the ones on the brink of falling apart.
Same with kids. Did you really take all three of your kids to the water park solo, and enjoy it?! Yes, this DOES happen once in a blue moon with my babes. But most anything like that that I try to do alone, to make a fun experience for us, ends up blowing up in my face and we all four leave in tears. And how do you moms get day dates away with each individual kid every week? And does one not pee in the middle of SAMS club when you’re trying to get through the checkout because they were too distracted by the gumball machine, leading them to ride home nude? Because all we see was how delicious that ice cream looked you indulged in together on that perfect day. How do you have these beautifully well behaved kids who always listen and make every piece of your life enjoyable? I am 100% confident that I am not the only parent who wonders if they just have a special breed of difficult offspring. But trust me, when we DO have a good day, you’re going to see it! If I shared all the bad, I’m afraid we would be banned from our community. (Because I’m the mom at SAMS that day that had so much in her hands I quickly informed the lady on our way out and rushed him ouuuut the dooooor).
We all deserve to brag on those good moments. Hell, they are huge accomplishments. But don’t let the trap of social media lead you to feel inadequate, or make you feel like you have something to prove. Life is far messier than most people enjoy exposing. But I would love to tell you right this moment, if you ever wonder if yours is a special kind of crazy, our door is always open to reassure you you’re not alone. I vow to post more examples of that, not to brag on how hard our life is, but to encourage others that’s what real is really like.
I love my family, we have a blessed life.
We have to crawl through some of our days…most of our days, but we are overly blessed. <3