I had this entire post about our fun visit to the farm this weekend and how rewarding it was all ready to share. But I thought after today’s morning, I needed to focus on my biggest blessing and foe – staying at home. I always wanted five kids, all boys. Funny God must have thought. I dreamed of staying at home, cooking meals, snuggling all day, and the hours being full of carefree moments. It is not exactly like that. Not really at all. I just moved my several hundred pound island in front of my refrigerator because my twins have figured out every child lock on the market. Then I chased our outside dog around, after Easton let her inside for fun, while she ran through the house pooping from excitement. I got her outside, and found Case playing in a pee-filled toilet a twin forgot to flush. Then I ran back outside to get Easton, who had climbed nearly to the roof on a ladder that was left out, and then proceeded to shout at Ean for screaming at me for “Blaze on mommy’s phone!” A few seconds later I sat on the floor consoling and trying to figure out why all three kids were crying in my lap at the same time. Crying a little myself. That was FIVE MINUTES PEOPLE.
This is a brutal job. Sometimes it is physically exhausting, often emotionally wearing, tons of the time mental crazying (see!), and many days all three. It is hard. I yell, I cry, I give up at times, I laugh a lot, and once every couple of weeks I smoke a cigarette during nap time.
It makes marriage harder. We say all the time “how is it this hard?”, or on car rides “I am going to run this car off a cliff”, and “when does it get easier, or does it?”. Trying to have a conversation, even for three minutes, ends up happening over the kids chaos, causing unnecessary tension.
There are moments of I can’t frequently. I can’t listen to one more fight, I can’t wipe one more butt, I can’t clean up one more mess, I can’t be trapped inside one more day, I can’t listen to whining one more minute, or I can’t make it one more second. Not every day is a good day, but every day is a brave day. We are bravely raising good kids. Bravely sacrificing our lives. Bravely trying our hardest for these tiny people.
And it is so rewarding. Being here for every moment, every new learning experience, every emotion, and every “love you mommy” that happens throughout the day. I love the unlimited hugs, teaching them their colors and numbers, and seeing their relationships together grow.
I have great stay-at-home mom friends who support me, laugh with me, relate to me, encourage me, and keep me sane after having talked about poop and private parts all day. I have a grateful and understanding husband who helps literally as much as he possibly can. And I also have a merciful God, who sees my challenges and gives me strength, and also forgives my failures. I am incredibly thankful for what I have been given.
I am so thankful I am able to choose to stay-at-home. I have huge respect for those who work, whether by choice or obligation. I don’t know how they find the energy to work all day, and then come home and play with their kiddos after the exhaustion of their days. My prayer is that as stressed-out parents (whatever your occupation), that we would support each other, take care of each other, and try to be more understanding. No one choice or style is perfect for every family. Everyone parents differently, everyone handles stress differently, everyone decides when to start solids, give the kids sweets, and let them stay up past bedtime differently. But most of us are just trying to do our best for our kids, and survive.
I hope we extend, and that you feel that grace.
Have a comment, need to vent, or want to add to this? Fire away below!